Hugh says (09:43): Yo homes.
Hugh says (09:43): Whats the NATO thingy for U?
Hugh says (09:43): foxtrot echo etc
*lady on the phone is getting impatitnet
marc says (09:43):*the what what?
*NATO?
Hugh says (09:43):*you know like foxtrot
marc says (09:43):*are you on drugs?
Hugh says (09:43):*echo
*delta
*BLAH
marc says (09:43):*you mean phonetic alphabet?
Hugh says (09:43):*That's it
marc says (09:43):*for what?
Hugh says (09:43):*whats U?
marc says (09:43):*uniform
Hugh says (09:43):*really?
marc says (09:43):*yes
*i was a police officer
Hugh says (09:43):*i think I'll use Unicorn
*its better.
marc says (09:43):*well it's wrong
Hugh says (09:43):*add some wonder
marc says (09:44):*how do you function?
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Monday, 21 February 2011
I was on what now?
IMDb bizarrely reports that I was a guest on So Graham Norton, on the same show as Jane Horrocks. I have no recollection of this. It's something I'm fairly sure I'd remember. And now it's getting a bit daft...
Hi,
I hope you are well.
Matthew Fox is going to be on the Graham Norton Show this week and therefore production would like to speak to some people who have previously been on the show.
I know it was some years back, but would you be willing to talk to us so we can fully prepare Mr Fox?
Please get in touch with him directly if this is of interest.
Many thanks,
Sam
SamanthaCrawford | Senior Account Executive
Taylor Herring Public Relations Ltd
As usual, I like to get Hugh's opinion...
Hugh says (16:44):
*Is that for reals?
Marc says (16:44):
*yup. just got that email about an hour ago
Hugh says (16:44):
*Ask for his email address so you can speak to him
*directly.
Marc says (16:44):
*i love the last line
*ha yeah
Marc says (16:45):
*like me and Matthew are buds
*sure, i'll drop him a line
Hugh says (16:45):
*"Matthew Fox? ... Or you mean FOXY! Yeah me and him are like THIS" *crossed fingers*
Hugh says (16:46):
*"...but can I have his email address please..."
Marc says (16:46):
*i was tempted to keep it going, but instead i emailed and said i wasn't on the show, and that i didn't have mr fox's contact details
Hugh says (16:46):
*Dissapointed.
Marc says (16:47):
*i knew you would be, but i was imagining "Matt Fox in email stalker nightmare" headline
*and i'd be put in the same category as that GP who killed the old folks
Hugh says (16:47):
*Shipman?
Marc says (16:47):
*thats him
Hugh says (16:48):
*Nice to be remembered for your work tho
*I'm so sorry.
Marc says (16:48):
*people will be shocked when they read that
*some will spit at the screen
Marc says (16:49):
*it's a good job not many people read my blog
Hugh says (16:49):
*They would if you were the Matthew Fox Stalker
Hi,
I hope you are well.
Matthew Fox is going to be on the Graham Norton Show this week and therefore production would like to speak to some people who have previously been on the show.
I know it was some years back, but would you be willing to talk to us so we can fully prepare Mr Fox?
Please get in touch with him directly if this is of interest.
Many thanks,
Sam
SamanthaCrawford | Senior Account Executive
Taylor Herring Public Relations Ltd
As usual, I like to get Hugh's opinion...
Hugh says (16:44):
*Is that for reals?
Marc says (16:44):
*yup. just got that email about an hour ago
Hugh says (16:44):
*Ask for his email address so you can speak to him
*directly.
Marc says (16:44):
*i love the last line
*ha yeah
Marc says (16:45):
*like me and Matthew are buds
*sure, i'll drop him a line
Hugh says (16:45):
*"Matthew Fox? ... Or you mean FOXY! Yeah me and him are like THIS" *crossed fingers*
Hugh says (16:46):
*"...but can I have his email address please..."
Marc says (16:46):
*i was tempted to keep it going, but instead i emailed and said i wasn't on the show, and that i didn't have mr fox's contact details
Hugh says (16:46):
*Dissapointed.
Marc says (16:47):
*i knew you would be, but i was imagining "Matt Fox in email stalker nightmare" headline
*and i'd be put in the same category as that GP who killed the old folks
Hugh says (16:47):
*Shipman?
Marc says (16:47):
*thats him
Hugh says (16:48):
*Nice to be remembered for your work tho
*I'm so sorry.
Marc says (16:48):
*people will be shocked when they read that
*some will spit at the screen
Marc says (16:49):
*it's a good job not many people read my blog
Hugh says (16:49):
*They would if you were the Matthew Fox Stalker
Monday, 7 February 2011
My hatred for TopShop
So. For those not in the know, TopShop is a UK chain of clothes shops, selling both Women's and Men's clothes. Years ago I used to shop here regularly, as their sales were pretty good. Now that I'm older and know how to feed myself (more on that later), I tend not to go in here, as I'm approaching the time when I'm fine wearing jeans that cost less than a sandwich in Tesco.
This christmas, my mum decided to buy me a jumper from TopShop. The colour were not exactly to my tastes, so she gave me the receipts so I could take it back...
Trip 1, January 12th 2011:
I saunter in with my wife, thinking I could easily find some jeans that I like. I check out the rails, but they only seem to have jeans that I could barely squeeze a toe into, let alone my whole leg. I ask the assistant where the bootcut jeans are, or anything resembling something a fully grown human could wear.
"Oh no (cue disgusted look) we don't sell bootcut anymore."
Brilliant. Ok, I'll just get my money back, as I have no immediate plans to become a chav with an eating disorder.
Trip 2, January 20th 2011:
I go up to the counter, and with my receipt in hand, ask for my money back. No, says yet another delightfully helpful assistant, it's outside the 30 days since you purchased it. This is correct, however my receipt says "Return by 31st January for an exchange". I point this out. She then says:
"If you want a refund it has to be with 30 days, but you can have an exchange before the 31st January"
Great, so have fun confusing people with two different dates with two different outcomes. That's blindingly clear. Fine, I'll have gift vouchers then please (someone else can suffer this place).
"No, we only do exchanges."
I don't really blame them. Once they've got your money, why allow them to pass the torture onto someone else without them paying for the priviledge. So i'm stuck with this jumper unless I can find something else by the 31st...
Trip 3: January 31st 2011:
I put off the agony as long as I could, but eventually dragged myself in and selected a tshirt and seemingly the only pair of jeans I stood a chance of getting into. The plan was to give them to my mum, who had kindly offered to choose something herself, but needed longer to decide. I trudge up to the counter, and ask for an exchange.
"Sorry, it's Feb 1st, you've missed the deadline."
Cunning folk. I never expected them to pull the old time travel play on me. No, I sighed wearily, it isn't.
"Yes it is."
No, go get your manager please. Manager duely appears.
"What's the problem sir? It's Feb 1st, your receipt says exchange must be done by Jan 31st".
It is Jan 31st. Please stop being stupid and check the actual date as it stands today in the real world which is CLEARLY NOT IN HERE.
"Oh. Yes. Sorry. Here's your exchange."
Off I leave, happy in the knowledge that the people who work in here probably live here too and will never inhabit space that I might encounter again.
This christmas, my mum decided to buy me a jumper from TopShop. The colour were not exactly to my tastes, so she gave me the receipts so I could take it back...
Trip 1, January 12th 2011:
I saunter in with my wife, thinking I could easily find some jeans that I like. I check out the rails, but they only seem to have jeans that I could barely squeeze a toe into, let alone my whole leg. I ask the assistant where the bootcut jeans are, or anything resembling something a fully grown human could wear.
"Oh no (cue disgusted look) we don't sell bootcut anymore."
Brilliant. Ok, I'll just get my money back, as I have no immediate plans to become a chav with an eating disorder.
Trip 2, January 20th 2011:
I go up to the counter, and with my receipt in hand, ask for my money back. No, says yet another delightfully helpful assistant, it's outside the 30 days since you purchased it. This is correct, however my receipt says "Return by 31st January for an exchange". I point this out. She then says:
"If you want a refund it has to be with 30 days, but you can have an exchange before the 31st January"
Great, so have fun confusing people with two different dates with two different outcomes. That's blindingly clear. Fine, I'll have gift vouchers then please (someone else can suffer this place).
"No, we only do exchanges."
I don't really blame them. Once they've got your money, why allow them to pass the torture onto someone else without them paying for the priviledge. So i'm stuck with this jumper unless I can find something else by the 31st...
Trip 3: January 31st 2011:
I put off the agony as long as I could, but eventually dragged myself in and selected a tshirt and seemingly the only pair of jeans I stood a chance of getting into. The plan was to give them to my mum, who had kindly offered to choose something herself, but needed longer to decide. I trudge up to the counter, and ask for an exchange.
"Sorry, it's Feb 1st, you've missed the deadline."
Cunning folk. I never expected them to pull the old time travel play on me. No, I sighed wearily, it isn't.
"Yes it is."
No, go get your manager please. Manager duely appears.
"What's the problem sir? It's Feb 1st, your receipt says exchange must be done by Jan 31st".
It is Jan 31st. Please stop being stupid and check the actual date as it stands today in the real world which is CLEARLY NOT IN HERE.
"Oh. Yes. Sorry. Here's your exchange."
Off I leave, happy in the knowledge that the people who work in here probably live here too and will never inhabit space that I might encounter again.
Monday, 31 January 2011
If you have a dodgy stomach
Milk of magnesia comes from a rare breed of deer, and only from the fawn before it is 1 year old. To remove the milk from it, you must use a rubber fork a wiggle it carefully. To identify the fawn, look for the one with the face like a donkey.
Ironically, donkeys hate this kind of fawn so much that they eat the donkey-faced fawns upon sight. To avoid this sort of conflict, the donkey-faced fawns and their parents will hide at the top of very tall trees. This has caused all manner of height related deaths, so they have taken to hiding at the top of high rise buildings that have swimming pools. Even smarter, they now only congregate in Canberra, Australia, telling people that they live in the country's capital city. When donkeys hear of this, they immediately head for Sydney (because donkeys have little geographical knowledge) and can't find them.
So next time you have milk of magnesia, take a moment to think of where it comes from.
Ironically, donkeys hate this kind of fawn so much that they eat the donkey-faced fawns upon sight. To avoid this sort of conflict, the donkey-faced fawns and their parents will hide at the top of very tall trees. This has caused all manner of height related deaths, so they have taken to hiding at the top of high rise buildings that have swimming pools. Even smarter, they now only congregate in Canberra, Australia, telling people that they live in the country's capital city. When donkeys hear of this, they immediately head for Sydney (because donkeys have little geographical knowledge) and can't find them.
So next time you have milk of magnesia, take a moment to think of where it comes from.
Friday, 28 January 2011
Round the bend, that's where I'll always be
(14:31) Hugh: btw Marc
(14:31) Hugh: if the national forest council ring you up and start asking about my experience with scanners
(14:32) Marc: you were the scanning king
(14:32) Hugh: can you do your best big that up
(14:32) Marc: i loved what you did with the scanner. it was like poetry
(14:32) Hugh: EXACTLY
(14:32) Hugh: I might have embellished my experience with scanning docs at airborne slightly
(14:32) Marc: i used to weep in the morning just at the thought of how you scanned
(14:33) Hugh: in that I said I did it a lot, when in fact I did it once
(14:33) Marc: there was no document in the building that needed to be scanned that you didn't touch. we changed your name to Hughy Scan King
(14:34) Hugh: Reason for leaving airborne : They changed to electronic documents so they didn't need to be scanned, it was time to move on
(14:34) Marc: the little scanning hobo
(14:34) Hugh: Nomad Scanner
(14:31) Hugh: if the national forest council ring you up and start asking about my experience with scanners
(14:32) Marc: you were the scanning king
(14:32) Hugh: can you do your best big that up
(14:32) Marc: i loved what you did with the scanner. it was like poetry
(14:32) Hugh: EXACTLY
(14:32) Hugh: I might have embellished my experience with scanning docs at airborne slightly
(14:32) Marc: i used to weep in the morning just at the thought of how you scanned
(14:33) Hugh: in that I said I did it a lot, when in fact I did it once
(14:33) Marc: there was no document in the building that needed to be scanned that you didn't touch. we changed your name to Hughy Scan King
(14:34) Hugh: Reason for leaving airborne : They changed to electronic documents so they didn't need to be scanned, it was time to move on
(14:34) Marc: the little scanning hobo
(14:34) Hugh: Nomad Scanner
Bad use of gravy
(16:06) Marc: afternoon
(16:06) Hugh: good gravy afternoon
(16:06) Marc: i like good gravy. i could eat it with anything
(16:06) Hugh: on a scale of 1-10 how hot is the office?
(16:06) Marc: 3. got a good breeze blowing
(16:06) Hugh: 1 being cold, 10 being fresh gravy
(16:06) Marc: its stale gravy
(16:07) Hugh: the worst kind
(16:07) Marc: warm enough you'd almost consider using it
(16:07) Marc: but then IMMEDIATE REGRET. we were up to about 8 last week
(16:07) Hugh: ouch
(16:07) Marc: gravy your dad had used, and lingered a bit before passing it to you
(16:06) Hugh: good gravy afternoon
(16:06) Marc: i like good gravy. i could eat it with anything
(16:06) Hugh: on a scale of 1-10 how hot is the office?
(16:06) Marc: 3. got a good breeze blowing
(16:06) Hugh: 1 being cold, 10 being fresh gravy
(16:06) Marc: its stale gravy
(16:07) Hugh: the worst kind
(16:07) Marc: warm enough you'd almost consider using it
(16:07) Marc: but then IMMEDIATE REGRET. we were up to about 8 last week
(16:07) Hugh: ouch
(16:07) Marc: gravy your dad had used, and lingered a bit before passing it to you
Thursday, 27 January 2011
When Hugh thought I did magic
(16:47) Hugh: You haven't been in SVN at 8:40 in the morning have you?
(16:48) Marc: how do you mean "been in svn"? its not a real place. i can't go inside or anything. i'm not tron
(16:47) Hugh: oh
(16:48) Marc: how do you mean "been in svn"? its not a real place. i can't go inside or anything. i'm not tron
(16:47) Hugh: oh
How to get your staff to fall down the stairs
(17:03) Chris: can you let me know when the call starts pls
(17:03) Marc: NOW! RUN!
(17:03) Marc: ha, no, it's now, walk carefully
(17:03) Marc: NOW! RUN!
(17:03) Marc: ha, no, it's now, walk carefully
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