hello

my name is marc, and here are some things that have fallen out of my head. i hope they keep you amused.

Monday, 31 January 2011

If you have a dodgy stomach

Milk of magnesia comes from a rare breed of deer, and only from the fawn before it is 1 year old. To remove the milk from it, you must use a rubber fork a wiggle it carefully. To identify the fawn, look for the one with the face like a donkey.

Ironically, donkeys hate this kind of fawn so much that they eat the donkey-faced fawns upon sight. To avoid this sort of conflict, the donkey-faced fawns and their parents will hide at the top of very tall trees. This has caused all manner of height related deaths, so they have taken to hiding at the top of high rise buildings that have swimming pools. Even smarter, they now only congregate in Canberra, Australia, telling people that they live in the country's capital city. When donkeys hear of this, they immediately head for Sydney (because donkeys have little geographical knowledge) and can't find them.

So next time you have milk of magnesia, take a moment to think of where it comes from.

Friday, 28 January 2011

Round the bend, that's where I'll always be

(14:31) Hugh: btw Marc
(14:31) Hugh: if the national forest council ring you up and start asking about my experience with scanners
(14:32) Marc: you were the scanning king
(14:32) Hugh: can you do your best big that up
(14:32) Marc: i loved what you did with the scanner. it was like poetry
(14:32) Hugh: EXACTLY
(14:32) Hugh: I might have embellished my experience with scanning docs at airborne slightly
(14:32) Marc: i used to weep in the morning just at the thought of how you scanned
(14:33) Hugh: in that I said I did it a lot, when in fact I did it once
(14:33) Marc: there was no document in the building that needed to be scanned that you didn't touch. we changed your name to Hughy Scan King
(14:34) Hugh: Reason for leaving airborne : They changed to electronic documents so they didn't need to be scanned, it was time to move on
(14:34) Marc: the little scanning hobo
(14:34) Hugh: Nomad Scanner

Bad use of gravy

(16:06) Marc: afternoon
(16:06) Hugh: good gravy afternoon
(16:06) Marc: i like good gravy. i could eat it with anything
(16:06) Hugh: on a scale of 1-10 how hot is the office?
(16:06) Marc: 3. got a good breeze blowing
(16:06) Hugh: 1 being cold, 10 being fresh gravy
(16:06) Marc: its stale gravy
(16:07) Hugh: the worst kind
(16:07) Marc: warm enough you'd almost consider using it
(16:07) Marc: but then IMMEDIATE REGRET. we were up to about 8 last week
(16:07) Hugh: ouch
(16:07) Marc: gravy your dad had used, and lingered a bit before passing it to you

Thursday, 27 January 2011

When Hugh thought I did magic

(16:47) Hugh: You haven't been in SVN at 8:40 in the morning have you?
(16:48) Marc: how do you mean "been in svn"? its not a real place. i can't go inside or anything. i'm not tron
(16:47) Hugh: oh

How to get your staff to fall down the stairs

(17:03) Chris: can you let me know when the call starts pls
(17:03) Marc: NOW! RUN!
(17:03) Marc: ha, no, it's now, walk carefully